Sometimes the problem with not caring what other people think is that you make them think you don’t care about them at all.
I’ve begun probably the biggest editing project I’ve ever done. I’ve never had something this long to edit–and not just line edits and a few re-wordings of awkward passages, but re-writing entire scenes and adding new scenes to clarify things and it’s… really quite daunting.
But I sat down today and tackled it, with the help of the “highlight” function in OpenOffice, I think I have A Plan.
Still gonna be a crazy edit, though. And all that thinking earlier made me tired. Need nap.
Over the last couple years I’ve been focusing more on original writing, thanks in part to my first successful NaNoWriMo go, and between that and the slow decline of fandom activity, I’m coming around to the idea that I’m ready to really strike out into the writing world without fanfic as a crutch.
First, of course, I need to find something worthy of writing.
My first plan is to re-write what I did during that first successful NaNo, and I hope to chronicle that project here as I do it. Hopefully I should be able to start on that in the second half of 2009. I’m still not sure what direction I’ll be going in (short story vs. proper novel), or what my end goal will be (sending to agents vs. self-publishing), but that will be part of the fun, no?
I’ve also been thinking ahead to other new projects that might be interesting to pursue. I’m thinking maybe something urban-fantasyish involving werewolves (um, apparently I really like werewolves…), but I have no exact plans yet.
This site, therefore, will in part be a home base for my original writing progress. I hope it’ll be something interesting for anyone who is reading along. Hee.
Claire: You and I have a special talent, and I saw it immediately.
Drew: Tell me.
Claire: We’re the substitute people.
Drew: The substitute people.
Claire: I’ve been the substitute person my whole life. I’m not an Ellen. I never wanted to be an Ellen. And I’m not a Cindy, either. Although Chucks love me.
Drew: I’m sure they do.
Claire: I like being alone too much. I mean, I’m with a guy who’s married to his academic career. I rarely see him. And I’m the substitute person there. I like it that way. It’s a lot less pressure.
Elizabethtown, 2005
Unlike Claire, I don’t like it that way. I don’t like being a substitute person. I’m not at ease enough with myself to do that. I still need things in return from people.
I never thought of myself as a substitute person, but I’ve come to the realization that I am. I have been for a long time. People need me a lot; people don’t want me to need them. They want me to always be ready to give them attention; they never go out of their way to give me theirs. I’m good for loose plans that can be easily broken; no one ever breaks plans to spend time with me.
I don’t like this. But maybe I should just get used to it, and become comfortable with it. If I become more comfortable with myself, that will be easier. I like being alone in a sense, but I like knowing that if I don’t want to, I have outlets. Too often I have not had outlets, and have been made to feel badly for needing them.
This wasn’t what I intended for my first real blog here, but it was on my mind, and I feel like this is the best place to say it. Next time should be happier — or at least more interesting.
The future is coming, and I’m getting ready to meet it. After many years of this site kicking back and being a little bored, it’s time to get it into shape and put to use.
I’m not exactly sure what kind of use it will have, yet, but I’m optimistic.
I also can’t stand not having any posts on my blog, so this is what you get for now. :)